I may be the tamest gambler ever..

So I’m a baby. Started gambling 3 days ago. Put 10 in and got some free spins on an app. I’m in the UK. After the spins I’m at 18 something. I have never gambled before. I don’t know how. I’ve seen roulette before. I feel like I could understand that. How hard could it be? I don’t know about martingale.

I bet 1 on red. It hits. I bet 1 on evens. It misses. I pause. Hmm. I double down on evens. If it hits I’m fine. It hits! Sweet. I bet 1 on red. It misses. I double. It hits. I keep going and now have 30 something. I withdraw my 10. I close the app. I go to sleep.

I wake up. I feel ok. I didn’t lose any money. Thank God because I’m actually dying here. Hence the gamble. Lost my job. Nobodies hiring. I’m selling my fucking legos. I have 20 something to play with when i open the app up. Lets goooo!

I bet 1 on red. It misses. I double. It misses. I pause. I double. It hits. Shit. Hmm. I shrug. I’m playing with house money. I get up to 50 something and take 20 out. I close the app. I reflect. I didn’t play that long really. But unlike the first time it affected me more. The times it nearly lost me everything were tense. The times I couldn’t actually double down and just started from scratch basically. But it DID still work -So far- And I’m up more money than I had. I made something from nothing. It feels good. I let myself enjoy it but still feel a bit bad about it or something. I go to sleep but it takes a while cause I’m thinking a lot I guess.

Today I wake up. I play some more withdraw 20. Play a bit more and withdraw another 20. I do this a bit and then I bet 1 and miss. Double and miss. Double and miss. And of course you all know how this goes. I miss it all. I have nothing left in my account. I close the app. I reflect. I have like 100 I didn’t have 3 days a go. I’m angry at myself. I feel stupid. But i won overall. Why do i still feel so mixed up right now? Maybe because its only 100. 100 isnt going to solve my problems. I could have made more if id been braver? Smarter? I dont know.. I consider that maybe i just don’t have the mind for this. I don’t get probability really. I feel like if I had been able to double a couple more times, and I know I could if I hadn’t pussied it back into my bank account, it would have hit. But even though it probably would it also might not have. You get 8 reds in a row. More. It happens. I know it does I’ve rolled a dice before I get how things happen. Sorts anyway.

But I feel things and they’re bugging me! I feel like I’m betting so small it doesn’t matter. I can just be lucky. If I do have a larger pot of money and could double 8 times then my chances are so much higher. Right guys? But I know it’s not that simple. I’m not very smart but I sense how foolish I am for even thinking about this stuff. I know I got lucky..

But it did kinda work. Didn’t it? I can’t shake it, I have 100 now. I made that. I could do this 5 more times and lose 50 and just stop and then I’m still 50 up. The different between 50 and 100 is not enough to solve my problems. But is 500 either? I am forlorn boys and getting stressed. I take a deep breathe and get a grip. I cringe because of how this small sum of money is making me overthink and stress. Of course thats partly my current shitty financial situation in the first place but its just so silly. I consider my options. Should I keep going with what I now know is called the martingale system. A joke among the gambling community from what I can gather. And rightly so apparently. I ponder it. What are my options?

  1. I walk away and keep 100. I win but not enough money to make a real difference. I’m still in my overdraft and haven’t got much left to sell..

  2. I put the 50 in and play roulette and ultimately walk away when I lose it. Either with 50 (likely) or maybe a few hundred because fundamentally it takes ages to incrementally make money this way even when you’re stupid lucky. It’s not really fun. But if I can make like 1k over a couple weeks I can perhaps solve some immediate issues causing me increasing distress.. but probably I’m walking away with 50 here and I guess a grudge because I could have walked away at 100.

  3. I gamble another way. And this is where we are now. At the research stage. Looking through reddit gambling because of course right? You guys play slots. And actually gamble in casinos in Vegas! It’s very flash darling. I got 100 free spins and won 8 out of it. But I didn’t know what I was doing. But seriously slots? I figure a 50 bankroll on slots isn’t great anyway but you guys really play slots regularly and stuff?

I could get into blackjack I guess. But I’m not sure I have a head for that. I love poker but I’ve never played for real money. I might give that a try I guess. But ultimately the more I’m looking the more I’m thinking I can’t do this. I’m not mathematical. I don’t have money to burn. I don’t really belong here. But I don’t know. I’m intrigued. I’m fascinated by the addicted nature of it all. I can see it sucking me in. I find myself considering throwing some money at the slots because screw it and it actually looks fun compared to what I’ve been doing. I dismiss the idea quickly every time but then why not? I’m playing with house money – I think this is my new catchphrase by the way.

I’ve been deliberate though. One quality I have is I can set myself rules and I will follow them. But I don’t really know this side of myself well. Im sure of myself but what if? Maybe I will get carried away and then bet too much and end up trying to cover my loss and losing more and spiralling. How easily could that be me? It seems unlikely but I have to consider it. So far it’s looking good but that’s easily said when betting upto the insanely high number of 20 bucks! The stakes have never been lower folks!

Anyway I just wanted to post my experience these last few days, I feel like my story might be funny to some cause i lost my gambling virginity so recently. It’s been a very odd 3 days and even though it’s not a jackpot and I didn’t win decent money or anything it’s an experience I had. And I don’t know, influence me guys I have 50 house monies to play with what should I do?

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